Cheerleading: An Outlet

It has been almost two months since I last posted in this blog and to be honest, I missed writing. There are times when I badly want to post something but I did not just have enough time, I was too busy these past few days, and as usual, I was emotionally unstable. By the way, this post is a continuation of my previous blog post entitled “Cheerleading: The Best Ride Ever”. I have joined cheerdancing since 2015 up until now, and competed for five times but maybe this year will be marked as my last involvement of any cheerdance competitions because I am a graduating student and of course, I need to focus with my academics.

The Man up there and some of my close friends, knew how struggled I was upon deciding whether to join or not on this year’s cheerdance competitions because we were bombarded with lots of requirements like thesis, portfolios, reports, groups tasks, etc. In fact, I always tell them how eager I am to join, how it became a great help and how essential it is for me. Cheerleading served as my outlet to feel genuinely happy, to determine my weaknesses and improve my strengths, make new circles and to hide with all the things that bother me. There are days wherein I pity myself because I have witnessed how busy my classmates are with our tasks in school while me, was busy with what they named “unnecessary activity” but still I continued. Yes, I decided to join.

CEd Falcons, Intramurals Cheerdance Competition 2017

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Pyramid Dance and Jumps

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Perhaps, this year’s Intramurals was the best and most emotional competition that I’ve ever had. We came up with LGBT as our concept, which aimed to convey a message to all members of this community that they are accepted, and to showcase how brave, talented and skilled they are. We were also thankful because we had no problems with our costumes, music and routine.

 

 

We did not give a perfect performance but we have showed to the whole crowd how colorful College of Education is, how fearless each individual in the squad are and how happy it was to perform a 7-minute routine that took us almost two months to prepare. Unfortunately, a member in our squad was injured during the performance but despite what happened, we still fought, we did our best to continue the dance and we were able to let everyone understand the message behind our theme. All through that time, we honestly didn’t care about the result; we care more to one of the members of the squad. That exact moment, I have realized how beautiful it was to perform with those people. With their help, I was able to discover some of the things I thought I could not do, express myself without hesitations and overcome all my fears. With God’s grace, we ranked as the 1st Runner-up.

 

 

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USeP Jaguars Pep Squad, Milo Cheerdance Competition 2017

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Partner Stunts

Right after the Intramurals, we the Jaguars Pep Squad, received the announcement of the 41st Milo Cheerdance Competition where we annually join and compete with the other colleges in Metro Davao. Last year, we just had three days to practice maybe because we were informed late but still, we were able to bring home the trophy and obviously this year, we seek to defend our title as the Champion. There were four competitors in the college division level this year and these are: USeP Tagum Ace All-star, MATS, USeP Jaguars Pep Squad and University of Mindanao Palladins.

 

 

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USeP Jaguars Pep Squad Family 

Honestly, before I decided to join, I was hesitant because I have heard that some of the new members of the squad, who just joined this year, were all skilled and can do higher level of tumbling; yet I still pushed myself to join. We were happy to welcome and meet the new members of the family.

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As a result, we became successful in defending the crown.

This 3-year journey brought big opportunities and new lessons that I will carry in my entire life. It helped me to develop my talents and skills; it also gave me courage and bravery to be enthusiastic and motivated to do the things I dreamed of.

This would probably be my last cheerdance competition, thank you so much squad and most especially to our coach, for being part of this remarkable experience of my life which I will surely keep inside a bottle full of splendid memories. I know this isn’t the end of my Cheerleading career and there will be more privileges that will come my way.

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Gold Ridge Inland Resort, Tagum City

There are times when we feel like our minds were occupied with too much stress, and often times we feel too down without knowing the reason why. During these moments, the best way for us to escape from the chains of restlessness is to discover a new place wherein we can be free from school works, from people, and from anything.

Last week was one of the hardest weeks for me, because we were bombarded with Reflection Papers and 3 very long articles which were already due last Monday, September 4, 2017 (luckily, I submitted all the assignments). During that time, there were countless things running through my head, in fact, I almost died mentally, But I still decided to hang-out with my friends on the first Saturday of September 2017 because I believe that relaxation and serenity is for everyone, most especially for those who are victims of life’s struggles.

We had a short break at Gold Ridge, Tagum City. Their pool is estimated 5.5 ft.

Gold Ridge Hotel recently opened their pool called, Gold Ridge Inland Resort with a slide which is really good for the children and family bondings especially when  summer vacation starts.

The place was absolutely beautiful; I didn’t expect that it would give me even a short time of tranquility and time for us to at least forget hardships.

These were some of the pictures I took during our stay:

Sometimes, when you are sad, places like this would be a great help to be free from all the burdens you carry for years. You deserve to feel what I have felt when I spent my 5-hour stay at said place. You deserve a time for yourself.

Below are the information about the resort, enjoy your stay!

Dress Code

You are encouraged to wear:

  • Plain White T-shirt, Rash Guard, Jersey and Satin Cloth
  • Garterized Shorts, Cycling, Board Shorts and Jersey Shorts
  • No Zipper and Metal Button

Most importantly, you will also be asked to remove all jewelries before swimming.

Fees

Adults: 80 pesos
Kids:  60 pesos
Children 2 years and below: Free

Cottege

Umbrella: 200 pesos
Single:  500 pesos
Double:  1000 pesos
Family: 1500 pesos

NO FOOD CORKAGE except for lechon baboy and softdrinks.

Other Information
Address: Capitol Circumferential Rd, Tagum City, 8100 Davao del Norte
Phone: (084) 655 9167
Facebook Page: Click Here To Visit
Hours Open: Hours 9:00AM – 11:00PM

 

How to get there?

If you are in the national Highway such as Gaisano Mall, just get a ride from a Tricycle or Single Motor, with a payment from 10.00 php up to 20.00 php depends on your location. Just say to the tricycle driver “Golden Palace Hotel or Gold Ridge Inland Resort” since they have the same owner, the location of Gold Ridge Inland Resort is beside the Golden Palace Hotel.

Friday Night

Friday, 25th day of August 2017─ I was tired, literally. Not the same tired I feel every time I’m alone, this tired was a combination of a tired body and a tired soul. After the whole day class, I felt so empty. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, should I go home in our province or not, and how long would I stay in our apartment until I could feel the excitement of going home.

But, I decided to go with my classmates and friends at a store in front the University. I was unwell, I felt like no one’s with me, like I’m in a dark room where I was the only one who exists, perhaps it’s either because I drank soft drinks three times that day or I haven’t slept for 8-hours. At 6:30pm I went to our apartment and prepared my clothes, yet I still feel empty.

Heading home at 9pm, I happened to sit with a girl who I thought was older than me, because I heard while she’s answering a phone call that it’s her 5th year in the same University where I also studied. Maybe, you would call me “chismoso” (gossip) after you have read the next situations. She seemed so annoyed, angry or disappointed, I guess. Using my peripheral eyes’ view, I looked at her phone as she was angrily typing a long reply to her Mom’s “Asa naman ka? Gabii na kayo, dapat naa naka diri ingarong orasa!” (Where are you? It’s late; you should be here at this time). Her Mom called many times but she kept declining it because she continually typed her long “disrespectful” reply. After she has sent the reply, it was then she answered the call. She explained why she’s going home late.

The only sound I could hear that moment was the sound of other vehicles and her brash voice.She reasoned out that she was washing all her clothes, which of course, consumes a lot of time. However, I found out why she felt that way, and telling all the details would be too much. The only thing I’ve realized that night was, she’s too impolite to her Mom. I know she’s wrong and likewise, I know and understand why she acted that way. I admit, I was similar to her but my parents were not like her parents who always check their children’s situation.

In fact, I have not experienced receiving calls and texts from them telling me to go home early, or asking whether I’m okay or not. She’s so lucky. She’s one of the most fortunate daughters in this world, blessed with loving parents. How I wish I could also taste how it feels like to receive the same text messages or phone calls from Mom and Dad. Maybe soon, or most likely, never.

Some of you might find it annoying when you receive lots of messages from your parents, but please appreciate their care, effort and love. 

I know, I’m weak

I want to die. Perhaps you have always heard these words from me before or read this awful statement on my previous blog posts. No, I’m not telling this to seek a little bit of your attention and care or to receive words of encouragements that you think might help my soul to at least feel alive. I am not doing this to make you wonder how stupid my life is. I am not saying these words to make you realize, that I am so unhappy and down, that I need you to make me feel loved. However, you need not to give such effort in trying to change the way I think or to make me feel I am important, that I still need to continue and live life amidst all struggles. Please, don’t.

When I wake-up in the morning and sleep at night, I always feel the same. I don’t want to get up in bed every morning because I feel so heavy like I’m carrying the whole world full of shits; and at night, I always feel scared, alone, sad and empty. No matter how hard I try to rescue myself, I still feel the same. I’m tired of people. I’M TIRED OF EVERYTHING.

I thought the reason of all these were my parent’s separation, their new families, the moments I saw Mom wasted, drinking beer and crying all her sadness in front of me, my sister’s unwise decisions in life, my nephew’s condition, my dad’s slip ups, the people I used to call “friends”, the wrong choices I have made, the hatred I have inside, or the doubts and hesitations I have in myself— but I was wrong. This is different. It’s worse than any other reasons.

I always wanted to die, wishing for a car to hit me or maybe to jump off in a 10-storey building; until I savor and feel how fast the wind would take me to a peaceful place they call paradise. I want to die because that is what I always feel.

I know, I’m weak.

Unordinary Déjà vu

When our 1-week vacation started, I had nothing else to do in our house but eat, surf the internet, clean all the areas of the living room, wash the dishes, cook meals for myself because I am always alone from morning to night and of course, sleep. I used to love sleeping. At first, I thought it would give me an 8-hour medication to relieve from anxiety, to at least forget the things that bothered me, to escape reality and to have time to feel at ease─ but I was wrong.

Sleeping began to steal my whole self. Sleeping gave me time to remember the things I didn’t want to remember. Sleeping brought me back to places I hate most. Sleeping created new dimensions inside me where all my weaknesses, disappointments, and bad memories took place. Sleeping allowed me to dream nightmares and events which I thought were true. These all happened when I started to dream the same dreams every time I sleep. I could remember scenes in my dreams, the same order, the same people and the same story. Everything looked so real. In fact, one of my dreams already happened, it was during my nephew’s 5th birthday celebration. It wasn’t just an ordinary déjà vu. And this is not normal. I’m not normal. I’m scared.

Thursday─ August 3, 2017

Au Revoir

I wandered in the shore,

waiting for the sun to set,

Avocets chirping, cold breeze blowing

giving courage, tranquility— life.

The ocean looked calm,

as calm as the clouds in the sky,

waves’ sweet melody, so harmonious, so smooth.

I can hear it, and sense it.

 

As I continued walking,

miles from where I came from,

footsteps in the sand, gently fading,

sun’s vanishing, no pause, no break.

Darkness gradually surrounded the place,

until I could no longer see light,

the light that used to gleam at times I needed.

I suddenly heard this sweet melody.

But that melody eventually faded.

 

Days had passed; I was still stuck in here,

constantly hoping for the bright light to appear,

Perhaps, it will never show up once more.

Things will never be the same again

I moved slowly to reach the seawater,

and decided to drown myself,

this time, I heard nothing else but silence.

Silence that I was longing for years.

I’m tired

I’m tired.

I’m tired of recalling those nights when I heard shouts from my parents’ room at 3am.

I’m tired of knowing that Mom and Dad’s priority was not us. I’m tired of seeing them with their new families.

I’m tired of looking at my nephew’s sad eyes, longing for attention and for real happiness and for real love from his parents. If only I could not leave him, play with him all day and go with him wherever he wants, I will.

I’m tired of waiting for my family to come back in the church, it feels like waiting for a fish to drown in the sea.

I’m tired of doing my best for others and they didn’t even recognize it.

I’m tired of committing mistakes, and of becoming a mistake.

I’m tired of staying awake until 4am, staring at the ceiling, felt so empty; and of waking up early morning, carrying bags of rocks─ so heavy.

How I wish I could just close my eyes in a fine night, rest in harmony ’til all my struggles fade away, with me.

I’m tired of sharing my thoughts to anybody and of hearing voices.

I’m tired of watching people who got tired of me, tired of helping me to take away all the tragedies chained and locked in my body.

I’m tired of being treated like a rubbish. Once they get what they want, they will eventually leave.

I’m tired of being helpless and judged easily by other people.

I’m tired of seeing complete and happy families, eating dinner together, traveling together.

I’m tired of feeling sad and of being a burden.

I’m tired of pushing myself to smile, pretending like nothing’s going to wreck my inner self, even if the monster inside me tries to eat all my happy thoughts.

I’m tired of having friends, I no longer want to bother them.

I’m tired of being tired physically, emotionally and mentally.

I’m tired of breathing and of being alive.

I’m tired of shedding all my tears at times when I’m alone.

I’m tired of seeking help, I’m tired of being me─ of everything.

Maybe this is the right time, because,

I’m tired.

 

The Struggles of a Broken Home

At a very young age, I have realized growing up with a broken home was quite a shitty experience─ I mean, who would have even want to be in this situation? The kind of family that I have is not the kind of family other people would dream about and the condition I have right now was not easy and will never be easy, and this changed the whole me, which was actually the worst thing ever happened.

Living inside a house back when my parents were together was rough and time had passed, I felt that nothing’s normal in the place I used to call home. The two happy memories I had with them, was first, on 2001 when Dad got his first salary on his new job, so we, as a family, went to a mall in Tagum City and they bought brand new clothes and toys for me; and second, was on 2003 when they surprised me on my 6th birthday, cooked all my favorite foods and invited several friends to join the celebration. Honestly, the house looked so special that moment. The rest of the memories I had with them, together, was a tragedy. They always fight every night or even past 4am, they usually fight because of money and of Dad’s other woman.

27th of August 2007, they separated and broke what they have promised to each when they had their wedding day. After that, everything began to change; including the arrangement of the stuffs inside the house and the way we live.  At first I thought, the term “broken family” was just nothing, I was ignorant for I haven’t heard that term in our school or even in our church. I had no clue, not until I have seen Dad cry for the first time and Mom, who was tremendously depressed and devastated, which made me realized that “broken family” was not something to be excited about.

Note: The reason why I decided to publish this blog was to share the 3 struggles you might come across if ever your Mom and Dad separate.

GOING TO CHURCH ALONE. We grew and built memories in the church because my grandparents were one of our branch’s pioneers. When the misfortune in our house happened, I started to go to church unaccompanied. It was tough because my sister and parents became inactive. Together with the other members, we tried to reach them out but we failed. Until now, I never stopped trying; I kept going to church every Sunday, attend activities, thinking that these would make them grasp that coming back in the church would make them feel better. Our church has established the belief that “Families Can Be Together Forever” and yes, I still believe this will ensue.

WHERE TO SPEND CHRISTMAS. Christmas was one of the most special days of the year; you receive gifts, apologizes, express appreciations to someone and feel happy together with your loved ones.  We used to celebrate Christmas together even if Dad always arrived late. After their separation, I was so upset as to where am I going to spend Christmas and to divide my time.  I usually go to Mom’s new house at 11pm- 12am and 12am on wards, I go to dad. It was so unusual, it’s miserable because I could not feel the same happiness I used to feel when celebrating this occasion.

CHOOSING WHO WILL GO WITH YOU DURING GRADUATIONS AND RECOGNITIONS. Sometimes, people say that when you’re a product of a broken home, you could no longer achieve your plans and follow the wrong path instead. During my grade school to secondary years, I didn’t lose hope to finish my studies and pursue my dreams. But what made those moments hard was when I need to choose who between mom and dad I would go with to accept the recognition or receive any awards. I didn’t want to choose. If only, I could walk and receive a diploma or award alone, I will.

These are some of the bad things you might encounter when you have broken home. You will feel how difficult and depressing it is to choose and to live. Yes─ I could no longer hear screams and yelling at 4am, I am free to go wherever I want without their permission, I am allowed to do the things I’d like to pursue but still, I am longing for their scolds, for their texts and calls asking me to go home because it’s late, and for their support as I chase my dreams.

If ever you’re reading this blog post, love your family. Right now, maybe you feel bad because your parents won’t allow you to hang out with your friends, maybe you’re angry on their way of discipline, maybe you felt unfair the way your parents treat you and maybe you think they love your younger and elder siblings more than you, but still love them, keep them. If you think their fights were just normal, no, you need to stop them. Remember, these tragedy started with little quarrels until their relationship became wrecked. For those who also have the same situation like me, let’s fulfill our dreams together and defy people’s wrong expectations.

In my case, what’s done is done. Nothing will change and I felt hopeless. Perhaps, things would have been worse if they remained together. All I need to do is to face everything, make myself believe like nothing’s wrong, cry to feel relieved and to stay resilient. If ever I could no longer handle situations, I’d be much glad for I already raised awareness on how hard things will be if your family’s broken.

It’s sad because

the thought of my parent’s separation

still fogs my thoughts everyday.

Questions I Hate Most

I wrote this blog post while I was inside a non-air bus, heading to our province and yes─ I literally struggled writing this one. It’s just there’s something in the deepest part of myself that pushed me to write what’s on my mind before I forget those. The topic that suddenly popped up in my mind was about questions I hate most because we often feel annoyed when someone asks questions even if the answers were already obvious and embarrassed when insensitive people ask questions that might possibly expose all your secrets.

These type of questions could change your entire mood for the whole day or even worse, whole life; of course each question has its own reasons.

1. Why do you wear the same shirt/pants almost every week? For your information, I only have 2 pants from ukay-ukay and perhaps 10 shirts for school and for me, these were enough. I don’t buy branded clothes and I usually go thrift shopping.

Whether the things I wore were pleasing in your eyes or these bothered you, always remember, you need not to care, mind your own or buy me one.

2. Why you don’t play basketball? Are all men required to play this sport? I mean, we have different hobbies. I observed that almost all men and women liked this sport; some knew how to play and others prefer just to watch. I don’t play basketball simply because I don’t feel it and if I play this sport, for sure I’ll be the smallest among all the players which is actually more embarrassing.

They said, men who don’t play basketball are gays. I’d like them to know “I don’t need this sport to prove to everybody I’m a real man” Better question: What sport are you in to?

3. May I ask a question? You just did. I appreciate you for asking first permission about an important question you will ask but please ask me straight to your point.

4. Why do you always spend your time on twitter? First and foremost, I don’t always spend my time on twitter. Twitter is where I can freely express myself and this is an enough reason for you to stop asking this question.

5. Are you sad? Are you okay? I used to love these questions because through this, I could say you really cared. But time had passed; I started to get annoyed when these questions were asked frequently especially from the people whom I less like, it’s too much. If you think I’m not okay, do a move to make me feel okay, share whatever you wanted to share because whether I’m okay or not I will still listen anyway, throw a joke, make me laugh or if you can’t do any of these, you can just keep your mouth zipped, that would make me feel better.

6. Why do you study in a state University in Davao when you can find the course you wanted to pursue in your province? This question was seldom asked by some of my dad’s family members. I have four answers to this question; the first reason why I decided to study in Davao was to stay away from people who made my life worse. Second, was to train myself to become more independent, learn new lessons and to improve myself. Third, I grabbed CHED’s scholarships offer. Fourth, to fulfill my greatest dream which was to graduate in one of the best and well-known Universities in the Philipines because I believe that a school’s name would help me get a job easier.

It sucks me up hearing people ask questions like this when in fact, they were not the ones who paid all my fees in school.

7. You’re already 20 years old, why you don’t have girlfriend? My parents haven’t stepped college, and my sister decided not to continue pursuing her course because she was pregnant when she’s 22 years old. This means that the pressure was on me, I need and I have to finish all my studies to find a decent job, and to help my family get out from poverty. However, I wanted to become a returned missionary with honor in our Church as well for I believe it is one of our duties and responsibilities as a member.

The reason why I hate this question was that we, people, have different priorities and we already know that. Whenever I hear this, it’s either a person was trying to question my gender or making me feel that having a girlfriend is a top priority.

Questions we ask and will ask always matter. All we need to do is to think first before letting it out in our mouth. Change our words and make sure, we will help the person, and not to worsen his situation. We are not perfect; we often ask annoying questions intentionally and unintentionally but now, you already know my side, there’s no reason for you to ask again the mentioned questions above.

Date written: May 26, 2017, Friday Night

 

New Sentro Beach Club Lubu-an Baybay

Summer had been widely celebrated by families, friends, and couples throughout the Philippines. In Davao, the best way to spend this was to have beach outings and island hopping; others would probably go to other places outside the city but for those who were searching for cheapest yet beautiful resorts where both kids and adults would enjoy, New Sentro Beach Club Lubu-an Baybay, Pindasan, Mabini Comval Province, is a perfect spot.

Together with the Elders Quorum of our church, we went to the said place to refresh and to have an activity. It took 45 minutes from Panabo, Davao del Norte to reach the place but the entire ride was absolutely not boring for you will view the beauty of Tagum City which was also known as the Palm City of Davao North.

BEACH

The resort was filled with fine-white sand where one can build sand castles. There were approximately 20 cottages that cost 500 pesos each but you could just use a table if ever you didn’t want to rent. The kids could also have fun with their two giant slides.

SWIMMING POOL

The resort also offered swimming pool which cost 70 pesos for both children and adults. You could fully enjoy their 5-10ft pool, and they made sure it’s safe. However they provided free life jackets for children and 30 pesos for lifebuoy. It is an ideal place for refreshment because of their cold water. Unfortunately, I haven’t took pictures of the pool.

ACTIVITIES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

They also have Billiard; an hour would cost 70 pesos only and a Videoke, where you could pick 2 songs for only 5 pesos.

Entrance Fee: 20 pesos only

Cottage: 500 pesos

Swimming pool: 70 pesos

Table rent: 20 pesos

Billiard: 70 pesos per hour

Address: Pindasan, Mabini Comval Province

Contact Information: 0905600117

Explore. Dream. Discover.