When our 1-week vacation started, I had nothing else to do in our house but eat, surf the internet, clean all the areas of the living room, wash the dishes, cook meals for myself because I am always alone from morning to night and of course, sleep. I used to love sleeping. At first, I thought it would give me an 8-hour medication to relieve from anxiety, to at least forget the things that bothered me, to escape reality and to have time to feel at ease─ but I was wrong.
Sleeping began to steal my whole self. Sleeping gave me time to remember the things I didn’t want to remember. Sleeping brought me back to places I hate most. Sleeping created new dimensions inside me where all my weaknesses, disappointments, and bad memories took place. Sleeping allowed me to dream nightmares and events which I thought were true. These all happened when I started to dream the same dreams every time I sleep. I could remember scenes in my dreams, the same order, the same people and the same story. Everything looked so real. In fact, one of my dreams already happened, it was during my nephew’s 5th birthday celebration. It wasn’t just an ordinary déjà vu. And this is not normal. I’m not normal. I’m scared.
Thursday─ August 3, 2017