Au Revoir

I wandered in the shore,

waiting for the sun to set,

Avocets chirping, cold breeze blowing

giving courage, tranquility— life.

The ocean looked calm,

as calm as the clouds in the sky,

waves’ sweet melody, so harmonious, so smooth.

I can hear it, and sense it.


As I continued walking,

miles from where I came from,

footsteps in the sand, gently fading,

sun’s vanishing, no pause, no break.

Darkness gradually surrounded the place,

until I could no longer see light,

the light that used to gleam at times I needed.

I suddenly heard this sweet melody.

But that melody eventually faded.


Days had passed; I was still stuck in here,

constantly hoping for the bright light to appear,

Perhaps, it will never show up once more.

Things will never be the same again

I moved slowly to reach the seawater,

and decided to drown myself,

this time, I heard nothing else but silence.

Silence that I was longing for years.


Send help

I arrived in the place

and quickly went down the plane,

Finally, I had a chance to visit my dream destination!

I was drained,

so I checked in the nearest guesthouse

and napped for almost an hour.

I woke up and noticed changes,

everything was different,

including my room, my bed.

I was prisoned somewhere in New York,

unable to move freely,

to talk around with different people,

to observe how beautiful

and high the buildings are, day and night;

to walk along the city and meet new faces.

All I perceived was darkness,

nothing else but darkness.

In other rooms, I heard loud voices,

craving for care, and security

screaming for help, and love, and joyfulness.

Trying to find answers to escape,

seeking justice, and freedom.

And just like me, they didn’t know

why they were there.

Send help.

Soon, he’ll fade away

“He’s not in our world”, you said.



It was a sunny Wednesday afternoon,

when you last saw him displaying his perky smile;

throwing nonsense punch lines and witticism,

which gave you positivity and pleasure.

And since that time, everybody thought he’ll act the same on the succeeding days.

As day had passed, you’ve seen him, loosing liveliness.

He’s so quiet, not talking to anybody;

like no one surrounds him, no one’s with him.

He wasn’t even looking into other people’s eyes.

You heard no whispers;

even his breathe.



It’s unusual, and weird at the same time.

You looked at him,

trying to find hints as to what really happened.

You thought, the answer was in his eyes,

nothing was there but emptiness.

It took you exactly ten steps to reach him.

You asked him why.

Still, you didn’t figure out.

He actually became the winner of his own game,

I mean, he made others believe he’s well, he’s okay, he’s fine;

although he’s not.



He used to be happy every day,

pretending as if  nothing’s wrong,

nothing’s bothering his mind,

nothing’s falling apart and

nothing’s stealing the delight he used to feel.

No one cared.

Even his sister, who always pick wrong choices, wrong decisions and follows wrong direction;

even his mom, who’s so obsessed with her new-asshole-pretentious-dick-head-husband─ a nightmare!

Even his aunts, who blamed him for being so ambitious, a thief, liar;

even his dad, who started all the pain and;

even his desires,  the people whom he expected would help him, and even his own self.

Anyway, it’s not their fault.

Who would even dare to join with his complicated and messy life?



Behind those smiles,

are millions of fears,

sadness, and weaknesses,

destroying all his thoughts like bombs.

Behind his loud voice,

are dark clouds, seemed to burst lightning, heavy rains and  thunderstorms.

No rainbows, no bliss at all.



And just like the clouds,

That man,

Soon, will fade away

That was not me..

I am not me,

when I start to think of

miserable stuffs.

I am not me,

when I’m home.

I am not me,

when I  laugh exaggeratedly like

Madame Watson’s 6am car horn.

I am not me,

when I gaze at an open-window

for 7 200 seconds,

like a 100 year-old Grandpa;

who’s humbly waiting for his death.

I am me,

when I’m alone;

like a jar full of disasters,

asking for relief.

I am me,

who make bad decisions and

wrong choices.

I am a broken-window,

in our neighbor’s old house.

I am a garbage,

full of wastes,


and scraps.

I am me,

who seeks attention;

like a toddler,

playing tambourines.

I am a 4am thought,

who longed for  kindred spirits.

Last Monday night, you asked me:

Are you alright?

I’m fine.

I answered with bliss but

that was not me.